Saturday, July 28, 2012

How to Clean a Saddle When a Toddler is on the Loose

I brought home my saddle and bridle to clean. I thought I'd do it while Shelby was sleeping, but the sun came out and I thought, why not clean the saddle while Shelby plays outside? I don't recall seeing this process documented anywhere, so I thought I'd write a quick how-to for anyone who wishes to try it.

Step 1: Take the toddler, saddle stand, saddle, and cleaning supplies out to the back yard. Set up a little space for yourself, with everything within reach. Give the toddler an Easter basket full of rocks to play with. That should keep her busy for a while.

Step 2: Start cleaning. Hum a little tune. Be super proud of your resourcefulness; you are getting something done!

Step 3: Glance at the toddler. Notice that she's depositing rocks all over the lawn, which needs mowing. Realize you'll have to spend time searching the tall-ish grass for rocks later. Make a mental note, because that always works. Keep cleaning your saddle.

Step 4: Take another glance at the toddler. See that she has something in each fist. Look closer and realize she has...cigarette butts?!?!? Curse yourself for letting anyone ever smoke anywhere near your house, but do it under your breath so the toddler doesn't learn any new words. Say "uh oh" in a sing song voice, and watch as she opens both fists, immediately dropping the cigarette butts. Be happy the Love & Logic stuff works! Then realize you now have to pick up several cigarette butts.

Step 5: Clearly the rocks aren't keeping the toddler entertained. Take her to the unplanted flower bed. Give her a small bucket and a baby shovel and let her play. Back to cleaning your saddle!

Step 6: Hear your toddler cough and sputter. Notice she has chocolate cake all over her face. Wait a minute...if there was chocolate cake anywhere in a five-mile radius, you'd know about it. She has a mouthful of dirt. Notice her yuck face. Encourage her to spit the dirt out. Take a moment to savor the fact you just taught your 13-month-old to spit. Then get back to cleaning.

Step 7: Listen to your toddler make a happy, look-what-I-found noise. Look and see that she found an empty beer can. Say "uh oh." Take the beer can as she hands it to you. Plan all the fun things you will say to the only person who drinks beer in your backyard. Consider banning this friend from ever coming over. Scrub that saddle!

Step 8: Watch the toddler finally succumb to temptation and go for your saddle cleaning supplies. Say "uh oh." For the first time today, it doesn't work. Sigh as you realize you'll have to reinforce that no really means no. Say "uh oh" again, and pick up your toddler. Take her inside, saying "how sad, playtime is over." The sadness in your voice doesn't have to be faked; just reflect on the fact that saddle cleaning will be placed on the list right under dishes, laundry, eating a full meal, and reading a book - things that won't get done while the toddler is awake.

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