Sunday, August 5, 2012

What Scarlet Taught Shelby About Dogs

Scarlet has been a spectacular addition to our family from the beginning. She came to us through James' brother, who had her on a week-long trial basis to see if she would cohabitate well with the two dogs they already had. She'd been a solo pet before that. I took one look at her, and she took one look at me, and we knew we belonged to each other.

Sappy, right? But that's how it was.

Scarlet is eager to please. We set up rules and boundaries from the beginning. James and I agreed on what they would be, and once Scarlet understood them, she almost never broke the rules we set up. We can have plates of food on the floor, and she will only eat the food if no one is in the room. When she got in trouble for that, she started following us out of the room if we left food anywhere she could reach it.

She's only had accidents in the house when she was sick, with one exception. After Shelby was born, we got busy/distracted/whatever and neglected picking up the poo in the yard for too long. Scarlet is picky about where she will do her business, and she won't do it anywhere near existing poo. She came in, went to her bed, made sure we were all in sight, and emptied her over-full bladder. We got the point.

I treated Scarlet much the way I would treat a toddler when a new baby arrives. If Shelby was nursing on one side, I'd snuggle with Scarlet on the other side. I made sure to give Scarlet little bits of one-on-one attention whenever I could. When Shelby was tiny, there were times that I was in the bathroom and Shelby would start fussing. Scarlet would run back and forth from Shelby to the bathroom door in a very enthusiastic attempt to get me to follow her. And there have been several times when only puppy kisses would stop the tears.

Anyway, despite the fact that Scarlet has handled the addition of Shelby wonderfully, we've always taken steps to make sure Shelby doesn't harass her too much. If Scarlet seems uncomfortable, one of us will convince Shelby it'll be way more fun to play on the other side of the room. I show Scarlet safe (baby-free) spots to eat the chewies she gets when I go to the feed store. I've read lots of stories about how a kid-friendly dog ends up biting a kid in its family, and I think a lot of that happens because the dog is kid-friendly and the parents let the kids be kids and do what kids do to dogs. Dogs get punished if they growl, so they stop growling when they're uncomfortable. And one day they reach their limit.

Over time, I've let Shelby do more and more with Scarlet. I've had her hold treats, and Scarlet takes them ever-so-gently. Once Shelby demonstrated that she understood what "gentle" meant and no longer had a desire to grab fistfuls of curly puppy hair, I let her pet Scarlet a little bit. The little bit has grown over time, and Scarlet is comfortable with Shelby petting her and giving her kisses, which is so cute I can hardly stand it. Scarlet started playing with Shelby when she started walking. She'll take a toy and run a few steps away, wait for Shelby to get close, then run a few steps in the other direction.

As Shelby was learning to pet Scarlet gently, Scarlet would sit for it for only a short period of time, then move away. We wouldn't let Shelby chase her; we let Scarlet determine how much was enough.

When Shelby started walking, she would try to approach Scarlet, reaching out a hand to grab some fur. Scarlet's response was to always lick her hand, then move away. Again, we didn't let Shelby chase her.

Throughout all this, I saw pictures of someone else's slightly older daughter sitting, standing, laying, and climbing on their family's dog. And I thought, I wish Scarlet was like that. Then I thought, at least Scarlet is good with Shelby, even if she doesn't let Shelby do all of that. Make no mistake, I wouldn't ever dream of replacing Scarlet, but those pictures are so darn cute.

Last week, I took Shelby to a local park that has a small dog park. We left Scarlet at home, because she doesn't always do well in dog parks, depending on the size and personalities of the other dogs.

Every time Shelby saw a dog, she would pant or make her dog-bark noise and try to walk up to it. A few times, I asked the owner if it was okay if Shelby said hello to the dog. If the owner seemed uncomfortable, or the dog seemed uncomfortable, I didn't let her, even if the owner said it was ok. I'd rather be overcautious around other people's animals than contribute to a bad situation.

Each time Shelby did approach a dog, you know what she did? She held her hand out for the dog to sniff. She didn't try to touch the dog, just held out her hand. When the dog sniffed her hand, she would smile a huge smile and let out a giggle. If the dog moved away, she just let it. She didn't try to go after it.

Now I thank my lucky stars that Scarlet is the dog she is, even more than I did before. Shelby has learned how to safely approach strange dogs. She has no fear, but she respects them. I'd spent countless hours trying to think of how to teach Shelby to approach dogs she doesn't know. Scarlet did it for me.

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